Sunday, September 10, 2006

Baby's Party in a Bar?


Recently, a woman engaged me to entertain at her child’s 4th birthday party having seen my preschool show at her child’s daycare. Being a local businessperson she decided it would be a great idea to have the party at her workplace – a restaurant and bar.

Eureka! What a great idea, right? Me thinks NOT! Since she owns the place it must have seemed like a perfectly good idea. The party was to be held on a weekday night at 6:30pm.

Well folks, truthfully, a restaurant is NOT the ideal location to have a child’s party. In fact, not even close. But if there’s a private room that's inaccessible to the general public it can work okay.

To my dismay, upon arriving at the restaurant I found that it was not to be held in the restaurant portion of the eatery, but in the bar. Uh-Oh! Nevertheless, I wheeled into the bar with the party going full tilt. The bar was dimly lit as bars tend to be, with a single window behind the stage area and dusk fast approaching. The environment was chaotic at best with parents talking loudly in order to be heard and children running amuck. The only light source was coming from a shoulder-high window BEHIND me. We magicians hate light coming from behind us, but for brevity I’ll refrain from elaborating on this grisly point.

Although informed of their low-levels of sugar intake, the kids appeared to have been on 30-minute sugar IVs prior to my arrival. Trust me, they were swinging from the chandeliers. Also, several of the parents were consuming alcohol – not very common at preschool-age parties. It could have been disastrous had I not brought my sound system with me. The sound levels were at a fever pitch. And so began my perilous uphill battle to entertain these folks with my dinosaur-themed magic show.

As you might suspect the outcome was horrendous! It was like performing in an aviary! It was pure unbridled bedlam with just a few kids and parents watching. Amid the continuous bar chatter from parents, all during the show several children were playing onstage almost underfoot, interrupting occasionally to growl at me with dinosaurs in hand. My multiple but humorous pleas for the removal of these “angels” fell on deaf ears as no parent laid claim to them. Shocking!

Later I found out the mothers of these children were next door in the bar having drinks while the rest of the crowd “tended” their children. This was better than dropping them off at the party, which they’d done a month earlier. Don't anyone scream "White Trash!", although possibly fitting, it wouldn't be proper.

Finally when the onstage munchkins started playing with my magic props, I stopped the show altogether and asked that parents, ANY parents come forth and cart these kiddos away. They did and I finished the show.

After the show several parents stopped by to express their disgust with the situation and commend me on a job well done. They told me they were glad I’d stopped the show and commiserated with me for a brief moment on the dismal state of contemporary parenting skills. I appreciated their sentiments, but was ready to bolt out the door screaming all the way down Fairfax Avenue. I didn't though, remembering that I could always cry myself to sleep that night.

The birthday mother was annoyed, embarrassed and apologetic as she helped me outside with my rabbit and props. She said she felt the birthday child had enjoyed the show and the kids didn’t know the difference. But, I did and EVERYONE else did too. Once again, environment, or lack thereof is everything and it had contributed to, if not ruined, the entire birthday experience for everyone!

I perform at hundreds of parties every year and have to say that this was one of the most challenging and most nightmarish performance conditions I've encountered to date. If all kids parties were this way, I’d either be out of the business or strapped down to a gurney on the express shuttle to a rubber room.

And although I don’t work for tips and do charge a fine fee for my services, this woman in the restaurant/bar business offered me no tip. And trust me, given the circumstances, a tip would NOT have been considered inappropriate.

Storal of the Mory: Don’t have your child’s party in a bar, just don’t.

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